Family Law Express Forum

How do I best document behaviour from my ex that is designed to interfere with my contact with our girls.

I mean things like the kids not being home on the night that I am to pick them up (she arranged for them to have a sleep-over with friends that night).

Or not allowing the girls to answer the phone when I call, or hurrying the girls to finish talking to me on the phone (in less than 30 seconds) because they are always allegedly in a hurry for one thing or another.

Or when the girls are with me, the mother gives the girls all this apparent home work (not real home work, but reading certain books), which stresses the girls out and they refuse to even go to the shops with me for fear that they will not finish the book reading.

It is not a matter of one big thing, but numerous little things that undermine my relationship with my kids. I basically have no say with my girls, regardless of whether they are will me or with their mother.

However I find it difficult to document these issues. Should I try and take photos or record audio?

Should I simply write it down like diary entries?

Which way would a court prefer such issues to be documented for the purposes of being used as evidence?

Documenting the time of the calls is probably the best you can do in this situation. Recording phone calls without the other person's consent is against the law, so please keep that in mind.

'Undermining behaviour' is something that you want to document by whatever legal means available, and concurrent diary notes is a good idea as well. If you call and have them on speakerphone and have a witness in the room a statement can be had from that witness if they are willing, as well.

However, more deeply, the children may be affected by what is known in the research literature as 'Parental Alienation Syndrome," but which goes under different diagnostic categories at present. This is when the kids start to believe deleterious statements about you made by your ex, and start not wanting contact because of the emotional blackmail behind the scenes.

If this starts to become apparent, then if it is within your rights under the current legal arrangements to get them to see a psychologist who is familiar with PAS (and the fact that it now has a couple of different labels), that psychologist can work with them on the stress that is generated by wanting to love a parent they are being told to hate. This creates another paper trail. If the ex has power to refuse to allow this, put the request in writing so you have a written refusal to provide treatment that you see as important for the children's welfare. More paper.

And if this still has to go to court, make absoultely certain that you vet each candidate for family report writer as to their knowledge of alienation and their willingness to screen for it, because of your concern that it is going on.

All the best with it, it can be very messy.

Dr. Travis Gee
Psychologist.